Category Archives: Whimsy

Underwear-clad Florida Man rolls around parking lot in an Office Chair

Deputies were called out to a parking lot in Bonita Springs for a naked man… and arrived to find him rolling around in an office chair. He had on nothing but underwear and shoes. The man appeared to be drunk or high (duh), and there were complaints that some vehicles were damaged. However, nobody saw the man damage the vehicles, so he was released to relatives. They found his vehicle, with a bottle of booze in it, but didn’t see him driving the car. They also think he took furniture from a nearby Buffalo Wild Wings and scattered it around the parking lot.

I am disappointed here… they legally could have charged him with DUI on a rolling chair. It would be a crappy case, but this guy was itchin’ to get locked up. He was certainly drunk and disorderly. We don’t even get a mug shot out of it…

Be sure to check out the other weird DUIs we have covered.

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DUI on a Golf Cart, and the Suspect Growled at Cops, and much, much more

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Parks Thornton Terry

Parks Terry, of St. Louis, Missouri, got WAY out of control on his recent Florida Keys vacation. It started out pretty typically: he had too much to drink and passed out in his vehicle. Being that he was on vacation in Key Largo, his vehicle was a golf cart. He was in town visiting his elderly mother. When he was awoken by a public safety officer, he drove off on the cart, weaving all over the road, first waving at the officer, and then flipping him off. It went downhill from there.

Terry got back to his mom’s house and locked the door. One of the public safety officers tried to force his way into the house, and Terry’s mother barricaded the door by leaning up against it, while Terry laid down and pushed it with his feet. Another officer entered through another door, and was attacked by Terry. As more officers and deputies responded, they ultimately attempted to taser Terry, who grabbed the stun gun. Deputies say that he was tacked, and growled at them like a dog, while rubbing his face on broken glass on the floor.

It several people to finally cuff Terry. They carried him out and placed him in the back of the patrol car, where he continued to lash out. He kicked the door and broke the handle and the window switch. He yelled obscenities at the deputy the whole ride to the substation, which was on a whole other island, Plantation Key, some 40 minutes or more away, with a pit stop at the hospital. Deputies report Terry suffered a dislocated shoulder at some point during the altercation. He is facing charges for Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer, Resisting with Violence, Fleeing, Criminal Mischief, and a DUI. All of those except the DUI are felonies.

It appears that the officers other than the deputies may be sworn officers. If they are merely security officers privately employed, Terry’s aggression toward them would not be protected like the deputies’. For instance, battery on a security guard wouldn’t qualify for the law enforcement enhancement, and fleeing is only a crime if a vehicle flees a sworn law enforcement officer. They may be sworn officers, but it’s uncertain. The DUI and fleeing charges can occur in any vehicle, so it would not be a defense for Terry that he was driving a golf cart, as we’ve seen before. Even if it was a sweet red custom job-golf cart! This appears to be the first DUI we’ve covered on a golf cart… congrats, Terry!

Hopefully some pictures and/or video will come out from this incident, and we’ll be sure to share them here.

Twins Arrested for Burglary: I wonder what their Defense Will Be?

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Douglas and David (or is is David and Douglas) Null

A pair of twins from Cape Coral, David and Douglas Null, have been arrested for burglary of a local business. Needless to say, there are challenges inherent in identifying the culprit anytime an alternative suspect can be identified. The article doesn’t explain why there were charged (there is also a juvenile co-defendant)… but I suspect I know what each of them will argue. They will have to get separate attorneys!

Happy New Year, Don’t be a Lawyer!

Haha, that sounds really dark… but it’s a not-so-secret fact that lawyerin’ isn’t as glamorous as it’s cracked up to be. I have dissuaded several young people, oftentimes as they are approaching college graduation and are unsure of what they are going to do next, that law school is not a good option unless that’s really what they want to do. 3 years and tens of thousands of dollars is a lot to spend, unless you really want to be a lawyer. And you can do a lot with a law degree, but if what you want to do is anything other than BEING a lawyer, you really don’t need that expensive degree. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, but this song from “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” says it really, really well!

I’ve never seen the show before, but I am certainly a fan, now!

Florida Man Jumps in Crocodile Pit, Wearing Crocs, gets Bit by Croc

Brandon HatfieldCredit: SJSO

Brandon Hatfield

It’s not exactly clear what happened to his shirt, but the video shows he had removed it and jumped in the crocodile enclosure at the St. Augustine Alligator Farm. Employees a the Farm first became concerned when they found the Crocs the next morning. At first, they thought it was a joke, until they saw the blood. When they called police, the cops already had an idea of who had been bitten. Police had located Brandon Hatfield around 7 am when they got a call that a man in boxers was crawling through a woman’s yard,a nd hiding in the bushes. Hatfield has been charged with burglary, criminal mischief, and a violation of probation. He was apparently bitten on the leg, but was able to escape the crocodile enclosure. On the other side of the fence is the main alligator lagoon, which contains hundreds of full grown gators (It looks like the croc enclosure has juveniles– lucky for Hatfield).

 

Here’s a video from Inside Edition:

 

Candidate who Faked her Diploma Dropped Out of Congressional Race

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Melissa Howard

Melissa Howard, who was embarrassingly caught in a series of lies about her education after the diploma she posed with turned out to be fabricated, dropped out of her congressional race in Sarasota. After getting caught in her lie, she doubled down, only to relent and admit that she did not graduate from Miami University in Oxford, OH. However, last Tuesday she changed course and withdrew from the race. It would have been interesting has she stayed in the primary, as many absentee ballots would have already been mailed in. Zac Anderson provides a good top-to-bottom rundown of the bizarre saga, and it sounds like political pressure finally convinced Howard to drop out. Ironically, it probably would not have mattered much if she had just fessed up in the beginning. The cover-up is almost always worse than the original crime.

Friday Insanity: Minnesota Woman Holds Man Hostage with Machete, Forces Him to Have Sex with Her

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Samantha Mears

Samantha Mears, allegedly a 19-year old lunatic in Montana, has been arrested and charged with suprising her ex-boyfriend, holding him hostage with a machete, and forcing him to have sex with her. He says she had broken in, and when he came home she confronted him from behind and held him hostage with the machete. She then made him lie on the bed, take his pants off, and she got on top of him and initiated sexual intercourse against his will. He called police, pretending to call his friend “Doug”, and police came and arrested her. She claims to have been kidnapped, but the man provided a photo of her on the bed with the machete, and a bite mark on his arm.

There’s almost certainly something more going on here, though there is apparently a history of violence from her to him. However, they did not charge her with sexual assault (rape) or burglary, which would seem to be indicated by the allegations. Also, they say the couple had been dating for 7 years, which is a pretty long time for a 19-year old. So, some things sound fishy, to say the least. Regardless, it’s a pretty spectacular allegation.

UPDATE: Mears has been found incompetent to stand trial, and has been admitted to a mental hospital.