Category Archives: Whimsy

Florida Man to Use Penis Defense in Murder Trial

Richard Patterson

Richard Patterson

When I heard about this murder case, I was confused because I also heard it was a choking case. Horrifically, I was not given bad information: it is a choking case, and Richard Patterson claims the woman choked on his member. Trial is underway, and Patterson’s attorney argued a motion to allow the jury to see his penis. Reportedly, the state does not object: what can they say if that is the defense he claims. Defendants have broad latitude to present and argue their defenses.

At issue is whether or not the penis will be erect… The state argues that it should be erect, for proper context. That actually kind of makes since, as the Defendant is arguing that she accidentally choked while giving him oral sex. It appears there will be no dispute that she was otherwise healthy and died of asphyxiation, but to prove second degree murder, the state will have to show that the defendant cased the death by an act that was “imminently dangerous” AND “demonstrating  a depraved mind without regard for human life”. An accidental death during consensual sexual activity would not meet this standard, though the State is likely to argue that his story doesn’t make sense. The Defendant indicated in his motion that they intend to call the Broward Medical Examiner who will testify the death is “consistent” with accidental asphyxiation during oral sex. This could end up being the trial of the year…

The trial started yesterday, and a jury has been selected. The judge has not ruled whether the penis will need to be erect for the jury demonstration. The death occurred in Broward county in 2015, and Patterson is facing life in prison if convicted.

Man Arrested after Running into Burning Home to Save his Beer

A South Dakota man was arrested after he allegedly pushed past firefighters to reenter a burning apartment to retrieve his beer. And it wasn’t even good beer, it was just a couple of cans of Bud Ice Premium. Michael Anthony Casteel is facing charges for obstructing law enforcement and and for obstructing  a firefighter for his little stunt. The naysayers will point out that it’s his life, why can’t he risk it if the beer is so important, but it’s a risk to the emergency crew that might have to follow him in if he gets in trouble in the fire. And no was is it worth risking your life for some beers, especially for a couple cans of Bud Ice!

TSG reports he’s had two DUI arrests in the last 13 months, plus a a domestic charge that was dismissed: no doubt alcohol related. And it’s not the first time reporters have covered something like this happening:

 

Remember When the Mall Easter Bunny Got Arrested?

The scene, Edison Mall, 2006. They have an Easter Bunny area where families could come and get their picture taken with the Easter Bunny. 27 parents were lined up when the Bunny-manager decided to shut down for the day, 15 minutes early. One of the parents approached the manager and asked why, to which the manager replied, “because I felt like it”, and punched the mom in the face. When the bunny saw the manager involved in a fight, he jumped in and started punching the mom in the back of the head.

arthur mcclure easter bunny

Arthur McClure, the Rogue Rabbit

The Bunny, Art McClure, claims that he and the manager, his girlfriend, were acting in self-defense when the “mob of angry soccer moms” came after them. Ultimately, McClure was charged with misdemeanor battery and breach of the peace, and pled out  to time served on the charges a couple weeks later. The responding officer got statements from half a dozen of the parents, who all indicated McClure and his girlfriend were the aggressors. It’s like Bad Santa for another season!

It’s too bad that cell phone cameras were not as common then, and even the snapshots that were taken don’t seem to have made it to the internet. McClure’s listed occupation on the arrest report is “Easter Bunny”, though this was his last day on the job.

Man Arrested for DUI Wearing ‘Hold My Beer’ Shirt

 

harrison wootton

Harrison Wootton

We can add another ridiculous shirt to the ones people have been wearing when they got arrested. Harrison Wootton, a 25-year old from Connecticut, was arrested for a DUI while wearing a shirt that reads “Hold My Beer and Watch This”. “This” apparently entailed getting behind the wheel of an unregistered motor vehicle, losing control and crashing into the stone wall surrounding a cemetery. He then proceeded to try to flee the scene as officers arrived, but was apprehended and charged.

Geez, man, how do you hit a cemetery?

drunk lives matterThat’s the second incriminating DUI shirt mug shot in just a few weeks, after our friend from St. Patrick’s Day.

Or this guy…

Man Arrested for Drunk Driving in “Drunk Lives Matter” T-Shirt

Ooops.

drunk lives matter

Elwood “Drunk Lives Matter” Gutshall

Elwood Gutshall III was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving, wearing a St. Patrick’s Day t-shirt, even though it was a couples days past the holiday. His oh-so-clever shirt read “Drunk Lives Matter”. He blew .217, more than two and a half times the limit in Pennsylvania, and will go to court next month to answer his charge.

Ironically, it’s the three-year anniversary of a similar story we ran, where an alleged drunk driver was busted while wearing a shirt that says, “Drunk as Sh**”.

Believe it or not, neither of these busts occurred in Florida!

Legal Case Turns on an Oxford Comma, or Rather, the Lack of One

An appellate case in Maine demonstrates the value of the “Serial Comma,” also known as the “Oxford Comma.” This article does a great explanation, and if you’re not familiar with the debate about the Oxford Comma, I won’t try to distill it in a few sentences. Rather, I think it is summed up best in a meme.

oxford comma

A court’s decision in a Maine labor dispute hinged on the absence of an Oxford comma

 

Friday Fun: It’s Illegal to be Fully Nude at a Funeral in Taiwan

Today’s legal lesson- no full nudity at your funeral in China.

taiwan funeral.jpgWait, fully nude? The only reason that such a weird law is on the books must be that there was a problem in the past. Apparently it has become common to have the most outlandish possible funeral procession, and that frequently means including pole dancers in the funeral. taiwan-funeral-2Apparently, gangsters started the practice of having strippers perform, and it has become more acceptable in many part of China and Taiwan. At the recent funeral for a politician in Taiwan, the procession included 50 pole dancers hired by the son of the deceased, all riding colorful jeep outfitted with poles on the roof. The Chinese government has tried to curb the practice, hence the law against full nudity.

This kind of reminds me of people who were propped up at their own funerals.

Here’s more video about the recent outlandish funeral in Tawian: