Category Archives: Whimsy

Florida Man Jumps in Crocodile Pit, Wearing Crocs, gets Bit by Croc

Brandon HatfieldCredit: SJSO

Brandon Hatfield

It’s not exactly clear what happened to his shirt, but the video shows he had removed it and jumped in the crocodile enclosure at the St. Augustine Alligator Farm. Employees a the Farm first became concerned when they found the Crocs the next morning. At first, they thought it was a joke, until they saw the blood. When they called police, the cops already had an idea of who had been bitten. Police had located Brandon Hatfield around 7 am when they got a call that a man in boxers was crawling through a woman’s yard,a nd hiding in the bushes. Hatfield has been charged with burglary, criminal mischief, and a violation of probation. He was apparently bitten on the leg, but was able to escape the crocodile enclosure. On the other side of the fence is the main alligator lagoon, which contains hundreds of full grown gators (It looks like the croc enclosure has juveniles– lucky for Hatfield).

 

Here’s a video from Inside Edition:

 

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Candidate who Faked her Diploma Dropped Out of Congressional Race

howard

Melissa Howard

Melissa Howard, who was embarrassingly caught in a series of lies about her education after the diploma she posed with turned out to be fabricated, dropped out of her congressional race in Sarasota. After getting caught in her lie, she doubled down, only to relent and admit that she did not graduate from Miami University in Oxford, OH. However, last Tuesday she changed course and withdrew from the race. It would have been interesting has she stayed in the primary, as many absentee ballots would have already been mailed in. Zac Anderson provides a good top-to-bottom rundown of the bizarre saga, and it sounds like political pressure finally convinced Howard to drop out. Ironically, it probably would not have mattered much if she had just fessed up in the beginning. The cover-up is almost always worse than the original crime.

Friday Insanity: Minnesota Woman Holds Man Hostage with Machete, Forces Him to Have Sex with Her

samantha mears

Samantha Mears

Samantha Mears, allegedly a 19-year old lunatic in Montana, has been arrested and charged with suprising her ex-boyfriend, holding him hostage with a machete, and forcing him to have sex with her. He says she had broken in, and when he came home she confronted him from behind and held him hostage with the machete. She then made him lie on the bed, take his pants off, and she got on top of him and initiated sexual intercourse against his will. He called police, pretending to call his friend “Doug”, and police came and arrested her. She claims to have been kidnapped, but the man provided a photo of her on the bed with the machete, and a bite mark on his arm.

There’s almost certainly something more going on here, though there is apparently a history of violence from her to him. However, they did not charge her with sexual assault (rape) or burglary, which would seem to be indicated by the allegations. Also, they say the couple had been dating for 7 years, which is a pretty long time for a 19-year old. So, some things sound fishy, to say the least. Regardless, it’s a pretty spectacular allegation.

UPDATE: Mears has been found incompetent to stand trial, and has been admitted to a mental hospital.

Maryland Deputy Shoots Groundhog

“This is not happening right now.”

gopher

A Maryland Deputy had a standoff in the road with an angry groundhog: the officer tries to scare the rodent out of the roadway, and the groundhog responds aggressively. I’m not kidding… the groundhog actually charged at him. The deputy then shoots the groundhog, and then shoots him a second time to finish him off before the video concludes.

The video is shocking, and while it immediately look like an improper use of force, the reality is that the deputy does not know if that groundhog is rabid or otherwise dangerous, and he does not have to wait to find out, under the law. It almost certainly could have been handled differently, but this is facially a justified use of force case. On a gopher.

Here’s the video: it is graphic:

Sounds like this deputy was trained by Chief Sandy McFiddish:

Can’t help but think of the old South Park “It’s coming right for us!” I’ve said it before, good work, Jimbo!

Jimbo

Uncle Jimbo – Fighting Off the Dangerous Animals

Of course, Bull Murray advanced his career killing groundhogs:

Kansas Man Arrested for Sex with Car

tailpipeFriday Fun on a Monday!

Newton (Kansas) police responded to reports of a naked man underneath a car. When they arrived, they say the man was trying to, ahem, stick his penis in the tailpipe of the vehicle. Police have requested charges for a lewd and lascivious act. The man was drunk, and probably on something else, and had to be tasered when he refused to stop having sex with the car.

SNL’s Colin Jost nailed it: “The sex was described as… exhausting.”

You could say it was… shocking.

I should point out that this case has the requisite lasciviousness likely to proceed criminal that do not appear to be there for the serial pooper we covered last week, or the vagrant pooper our police chief collared a while back.

And hey, two stories in a row that didn’t happen in Florida! #onlyinkansas #fridayfun : on Monday

Friday Fun: Serial School Pooper turns out to be a Superintendent

thomas-tramaglini

Thomas Tramaglini

An overnight pooper had been striking at a track at a New Jersey high school. Feces had been found on the track daily, and authorities set up a surveillance operation to determine who had been leaving the presents every morning. Holmdel, NJ police caught the serial pooper in the act, and it turned out to be Thomas Tramaglini, who just happened to the superintendent of the neighboring Kenilworth school district. There’s been no comment, and no explanation as to why Tramaglini felt the need to leave little gifts on his morning run.

Tramaglini, 42, has been charged with lewdness and, naturally… littering. He may have  a defense to the lewdness charge, which generally requires doing so with the intent of it being observed by other people, and there’s no indication that he wanted to be observed. The littering charge… that’s the kicker!

Friday Fun: Florida Woman Blames Wind for Cocaine in her Car

kenneshia posey

Kenneshia Posey

A Fort Pierce woman had a unique excuse for the cocaine officers found in her car last week. Officers found Marijuana and Cocaine in the vehicle Kenneshia Posey was riding in with another person. When they asked her, she admitted the marijuana was hers, but denied knowing anything about the baggie of cocaine. When the officer asked how it got in her purse, she replied, “I don’t know anything about any cocaine. It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”

Officers were apparently unimpressed, as she was arrested and charged for both the marijuana and the cocaine.