Kansas Man Arrested for Sex with Car

Friday Fun on a Monday!

Newton (Kansas) police responded to reports of a naked man underneath a car. When they arrived, they say the man was trying to, ahem, stick his penis in the tailpipe of the vehicle. Police have requested charges for a lewd and lascivious act. The man was drunk, and probably on something else, and had to be tasered when he refused to stop having sex with the car.

SNL’s Colin Jost nailed it: “The sex was described as… exhausting.”

You could say it was… shocking.

I should point out that this case has the requisite lasciviousness likely to proceed criminal that do not appear to be there for the serial pooper we covered last week, or the vagrant pooper our police chief collared a while back.

And hey, two stories in a row that didn’t happen in Florida! #onlyinkansas #fridayfun : on Monday

Friday Fun: Serial School Pooper turns out to be a Superintendent

Thomas Tramaglini

An overnight pooper had been striking at a track at a New Jersey high school. Feces had been found on the track daily, and authorities set up a surveillance operation to determine who had been leaving the presents every morning. Holmdel, NJ police caught the serial pooper in the act, and it turned out to be Thomas Tramaglini, who just happened to the superintendent of the neighboring Kenilworth school district. There’s been no comment, and no explanation as to why Tramaglini felt the need to leave little gifts on his morning run.

Tramaglini, 42, has been charged with lewdness and, naturally… littering. He may have  a defense to the lewdness charge, which generally requires doing so with the intent of it being observed by other people, and there’s no indication that he wanted to be observed. The littering charge… that’s the kicker!

FMPD Chief Eads Personally Helped Arrest a Guy for Pooping

• Crimcourts Exclusive:

There’s a comment here about the interim chief not being afraid to get his hands dirty… I’m sure. Eads was called over by a citizen who was worried that a hispanic man appeared to be ill. The man happened to be local infamous homeless crazy-person Victor Casiano. When the chief and another officer located Casiano, his drawers were down, as he was pooping in the woods. Eads and the other officer arrested him for indecent exposure.

While we might admire the chief’s willingness to jump to duty, Crimcourts would like to point out it is not illegal to shit in the woods. Bill Bryson is relieved. To qualify as Indecent Exposure, under Florida law, there must be some “lacsiviousness”. Merely pooping, especially if he tried to discreet himself in the woods, is not a crime. Fortunately, Mr. Casiano was released on his own recognizance, but not after spending a night in jail. It’s a bad look that the department still doesn’t use better judgment over when to arrest people, especially after the Nate Allen fiasco just last year.

Related Update: It’s also not illegal to check your mail naked, but it will get the cops called on you, as this guy found out in Collier County. For the behavior to be criminalized, there has to be more, and Collier Sheriff’s Deputies showed a little more, correct, restraint.

Naples Man Busted with Pants Down after Pooping on Floor #graymenace

Robert Predmore

Robert Predmore, 61, of East Naples, was caught after a burglary, his pants still down when the cops showed up. They found him lying outside Joey D’s bar, passed out on the ground… pantless. The bar looked “like a hurricane” had gone through: with thousands of dollars in damage, stolen liquor… and a poop on the floor next to an empty bottle of Sambuca. His soiled pants matched the evidence inside the store. The also found a handful of  prescription pills and a baggie of marijuana on Mr. Predmore.

That’s a helluva party to have by yourself.