Friday Fun! Florida Man Films his own Crime, and Gives the Video to the Police

video buff Xavier Moran

Xavier Moran, a 25-year old from Royal Palm Beach, was involved in an accident and told deputies that he had been cut off by another vehicle and that he could prove it. He provided deputies with a dash camera that had been recording in his vehicle. However, when deputies looked back at the tape, they found something more interesting. Moran had taped footage of himself burglarizing a beauty store! The recorded video showed him take a bat out of the trunk and a man using the bat to bust out the store windows. Deputies charged him with burglary.

Moran is also facing charges for aggravated assault, resisting and escape, but its unclear if those are related to the crash (they are unrelated to the burglary.) Cops love it when criminals solve cases for them…

Florida Man to Use Penis Defense in Murder Trial

Richard Patterson

When I heard about this murder case, I was confused because I also heard it was a choking case. Horrifically, I was not given bad information: it is a choking case, and Richard Patterson claims the woman choked on his member. Trial is underway, and Patterson’s attorney argued a motion to allow the jury to see his penis. Reportedly, the state does not object: what can they say if that is the defense he claims. Defendants have broad latitude to present and argue their defenses.

At issue is whether or not the penis will be erect… The state argues that it should be erect, for proper context. That actually kind of makes since, as the Defendant is arguing that she accidentally choked while giving him oral sex. It appears there will be no dispute that she was otherwise healthy and died of asphyxiation, but to prove second degree murder, the state will have to show that the defendant cased the death by an act that was “imminently dangerous” AND “demonstrating  a depraved mind without regard for human life”. An accidental death during consensual sexual activity would not meet this standard, though the State is likely to argue that his story doesn’t make sense. The Defendant indicated in his motion that they intend to call the Broward Medical Examiner who will testify the death is “consistent” with accidental asphyxiation during oral sex. This could end up being the trial of the year…

The trial started yesterday, and a jury has been selected. The judge has not ruled whether the penis will need to be erect for the jury demonstration. The death occurred in Broward county in 2015, and Patterson is facing life in prison if convicted.

Florida Woman gets to Keep her Pet Gator

“Rambo” the Alligator

Lakeland resident Mary Thorn has been granted permission to keep her pet alligator, Rambo. She’s had him for more than a decade, and he lives in her home. He’s famous in Lakeland, as he’s made appearances at local events: Thorn dresses him up like Santa and in other outfits.

Thorn has had a permit for Rambo, but a recent law states that gators over 6 feet must have at least 2.5 acres of land. Thorn was given permission to keep him, with the caveat that she can no longer take him out to public events. I haven’t been able to find the specifics of the ruling, but presumably Thorn was able to grandfather him in, since she had him for so long before the rule was passed.

Friday Fun- Attack with a Pool Noodle!

This happened a few years ago, so we’ll add it to the #weirdbattery only in florida archive (and even the #graymenace ) …

Alleged Noodler Karl Eichner

A man was arrested in Naples after allegedly attacking a woman with a pool noodle. Police say he got mad when she threw his watermelon in the ocean, and he filled up the noodle with sea water and dumped it on his head. He then punched her and authorities got involved. He was charged with misdemeanor battery. According to Collier Clerk records, he skipped his court date, and has not been heard from since… over 5 years on the lam, now.

Man Arrested for Attacking Man with Ramen Noodles

Michael Herrick mug shot

We’ve had a lot of #weirdbattery cases that we’ve covered on Crimcourts, and quite a few of those have involved food. TSG reports a new one, as Michael Herrick was arrested this week for battery with ramen noodles. Apparently he’ll be claiming self-defense, as he told officers that his boyfriend threw water at him, first.

For the record, throwing water on someone could also be charged as battery. In Florida, battery is any unwanted, unlawful touching.. be it, food, drink or shopping cart.

Sadly, even though The Smoking Gun tracked down the police report, it doesn’t tell us what kind of ramen noodles were involved. I suspect Cup Noodles, but I’ll confess to being a Top Ramen guy…

only in Florida…

Florida Man Arrested for Shuffleboard Fight

• It was a real Shuffle-scuffle!
• 81-year Old charged with Battery

Herbert Hayden- 81

Herbert Hayden, 81, a resident of St. Petersburg, got in an altercation at the Pinellas Park senior center over a game of shuffleboard and was charged with battery. Police allege Hayden struck another man, and that both of their sticks, or cues, as they are known amongst shufflers, were damaged. Unfortunately for prosecutors, officers indicate the “weapons” were not seized for evidence. I do not know how old the victim was, but if he is over 65, Mr. Hayden could potentially be facing a felony for battery on a senior citizen. I have seen prosecutors charge the felony on other senior citizens, but hopefully cooler heads will prevail.

This is the first charge I have seen using a shuffleboard cue as a weapon! #weirdbattery #graymenace

Florida Prisoner Escapes, but Surrenders because it was Too Hot

Ricky Nelson, via DOC

This week a man working a prison-work detail walked away from his job and escaped into the woods near FGCU, only to turn himself in about 45 minutes later after succumbing to the Florida heat. Ricky Nelson, in prison for multiple drug charges, was with a work detail on the FGCU campus to control melaluca trees on the campus nature preserve. He ended up turning himself in to officials, sweaty and apologetic. He passed out from the heat after just a little while before coming back. But not before a major manhunt got underway, complete with K-9 officers and helicopters.

The escape attempt is even more poorly considered because Mr. Nelson was scheduled to be released in less than two months. Now he’s looking at a new second-degree felony for escape, and possibly more jail time. Oops.

Kudos to Fox4 for the additional details.

Another Man Fleeing Cops Bitten by an Alligator

It seems this is becoming an all-too common trend for Florida Man. A Lakeland man lost part of an arm to a gator bite the other day, after jumping in a lake when his mom called the cops regarding a domestic disturbance. Apparently, this lake, which was near his mom’s house, even had a sign posted warning people about gators in the water.

Don’t run from the cops, kids. We have seen several cases that were even worse than this young man who lost three-quarters of his forearm. Not worth it. For more, check it out some previous stories, here and here on Crimcourts.

Have a fun, gator-bite-free weekend!

Man Cited for Alligator Parts Scattered Around Vehicle

photo courtesy FWC

Working to be your leading Alligator-law related blog, we bring you this story from the FWC. FWC officers stopped a man driving a truck through a wildlife management area to check for his day-use pass, only to find dismembered alligator parts stashed around his vehicle. Upon questioning, the man admitted he had recently killed the alligator without permission.

Alligators can now be legally hunted in Florida, like deer and other animals, but alligator hunts are closely regulated. Know your laws before you hunt… or fish: Florida takes wildlife management seriously.

And be sure of what you’re doing. Don’t be like Bryan Rohm. He was out hunting an alligator with his son (legally!) and thought he had killed it. He was sorely mistaken, and when he brought it in the boat, the alligator bit his thumb and jumped back into the water. He had shot the gator twice with the bang-stick, an alligator hunting device (basically it delivers a shotgun blast at point blank range), and wasn’t able to stop the thing. Alligators are badasses.

Burrito Battery!

Remember that scene in Animal House? Everybody remembers the “Food Fight!” scene, right? Remember where the frat guy got hit with food, then he stabbed the girl through the hand with a fork? No? What… it didn’t happen that way? Somebody must be doing food fights wrong…

Carl Smith and Suzanne Hurlvert

Only in Florida… a Crestview woman hit her boyfriend with a half-eaten Taco Bell Burrito Supreme. The man she burritoed, Carl Smith, retaliated by stabbing her in the hand with his fork, and embedded it so deeply that it required surgery to remove. After she got the fork out of her hand, Suzanne Hurlvert was also arrested, and charged with battery for striking Smith with the food item. She’ll be facing a misdemeanor, while Smith will be facing felony aggravated battery charges, and presumptive prison time.

 

We’ve covered a lot of food batteries here on Crimcourts… even a McChicken, but this is the first burrito I’m aware of! Click here for more weirdbattery